weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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