After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
