don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We need a shit load of segways right now
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
