you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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