apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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