Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
