I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
