his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
