I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
