Sponge bath it is.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize