I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
