I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
