This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
