can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
