Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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