I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
