The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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