Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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