i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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