I wish I could teleport
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Houston, we have a squirter
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
