i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
