That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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