i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
