At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
