thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
