so explain again why im purple
no
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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