Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
