Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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