Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
