All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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