gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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