recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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