Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize