Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
