I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
