dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I need water and some morals
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
