OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
