i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
