"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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