please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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