to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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