brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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