I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
