I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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