I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
