Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
