careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
