Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
