So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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