If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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