i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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