Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
