dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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