i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
