I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize