But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
