Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dicks are not precious.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize