i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
