I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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