It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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