i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
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