I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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