my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
false alarm, still single
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