Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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