Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
