Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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